The messy blur that we in the buisness call uni

What can i say

I'm now officially a uni student

and have been for 4 weeks now

ups downs and drunken days/nights/mornings ect...

good people, great places and I'm gigging again

so life is good :)

Trapped

I feel trapped in my own house

and would do anything just to get out

So...

i did it

i ended it and my god i wish i didn't have to

but that's the problem, i knew i could never be properly happy

as much as i wish it could of worked

we are too different.

And once again i thank my closest friends for bringing me through.

I dont know what to do

i'm trying my best

all i want is to see you

and for you to talk to me


please

Summer time

Well its happened

All work done, college finished and the summer is upon me

Although at this rate i'm gonna drive myself mad before the end of it

There have been problems in my life over the last year or so that i finaly thought i was getting over.

i cut down on the drink
i was eating well again
i pulled of the ocational real smile
hell i was even getting back in shape

but....

I seem to have regressed over the last two weeks

once again i keep finding myself alone when there are so many people there for me

sitting in the dark with drink and fags in hand and trying to hold back the emotions i know will drive me mad

i went out last night knowing full well i would end up in the pub garden on my own with wiskey and fags while the rest were inside enjoying themselves

yet i still went out with a vein hope of a good night ahead

my mind seems to be forever dwelling on the past and that bitch

no thats not fair

they were a good time with a bad ending like all relationships

i'm starting to get in a bad mood so i'm going for a drink and a smoke to calm myself down

wright again soon

Procrastanating

Should be doing work right now

FINAL deadline is tomorrow but i am really not in the state of mind to do it

I'm looking at an imposable mountain of work that should have been done through the year but because of a lecturer (i will not name who) cocked up royally I'm looking at a nice big FAIL

though i may not pass this year at college i don't really think i mind

allot has gone wrong

but too many things have gone write for me to think this year has gone anything but very well

friends have come in few numbers this year but the one that have are probably the best I've ever had

I've had my heart broken allot this year

but I've stitched it back together as best i can and it's gaining strength with the help of a certain someone :)

I'm look forward to the endless summer

and trying not to think of when it all finishes and we go our separate ways

i best get back to work

will write again with news on college, the pub and many other happy places

Aaarghh

why wont you just talk to me

just say you dont want to talk about it if need be


i'd let you into all the secrets of my life you just need to ask


ignoring me and refusing to reply hurts so much

this wont work if you do this

because i cant take more pain now

my mind is too fucked

i'm here for you and always will be

and i can wait as long as you want too

just dont shut me out alltogether

i cant bear it.

HELP!!

I dont knwo whats going on tonight

this has building up for a wile and think the stress and pain is going to drive me over the edje

nothing makes sence
my mind is a jumble


my body and hand wont stop shakingy
my heart is pumping so fast

i feel like i'm on the edge of a panic atack that is taking my whole will power ito keep back

i dont know what to do its all to fucking much

i dont want to sleep because i dont want to be alone in the dark


help!!!

Uh Oh

OK this thing must be really addictive.

This is only my third day having it and its my third post.

At this rate its going to end up as a diary.

Considering my blog title i suppose i best put some of my lyrics up here.

OK this is a song about a girl i fell for a wile ago now'
but don't think its all good because she completely screwed me over just after i wrote this,
she put me in a bad position between siblings and friends that i don't want to be in again but as promised......

Temptress Woman

You'll cross the room she'll lock your eye,
you'll stop walking as she goes by,
you'll feel your blessed by the gods above,
but shes my temptress and she just wants love

She looks at you with that sexy smile,
those gorgeous eyes, that evil guile,
you know you'd give your life away
just to lay her down that very day

You'll give her all and she'll take more
but you'll never consider going out that door
She'll hold your mind and keep your heart
she's my temptress a piece of art

She'll steal your day and haunt your sleep,
She'll stare at you and you'll feel weak,
She'll inspire you and give you goal'
She's my temptress and she stole my soul.

now i haven't look at that since she fucked with me so writing that down makes me realise how much damage she almost managed to do.

But we live and learn...

Day of no rest

Spent most of last night when i got home talking to my dad.
About whats on our minds at the moment i.e. Mum...

It was a weird chat,
we got mad,
we got sad,
we laughed and smiled,
then got mad again,
got sad again,
and by that time it was early morning and i was knackered.

So as deserved consequence i was more than tiered today.
Even after copious amounts of diferent caffeinated beverages.

But hey got a cider in my hand and the thought of a gig later on so roll on the night \m/....

Lets get started

This is my first post and to be honest I'm not sure what to wright so i thought I'd let some words flow through a poem about how I've been feeling over the last couple of months.

Red Light

It happened again last night, i felt the rage, i saw the red light,
i drove myself to where my body said no, then to where my mind refused to follow,
i feel it now, the pain of my sins breaking through my body,
they are my aces, my pains, my scars and my proof,
i bare them with pride, i bare them with strength,
I'm losing my mind and it's the best feeling in the world,

i think of them, i think of her,
the lights come back, i lose control,
by arms go tense, my mind goes black,
i wander dead streets on dead nights,
i know why I'm here I'm looking for a fight,

i close my eyes the red comes back,
i open them again and see the destruction of my sins




I've been going through a tough period in my life at the moment and i seem to be coming out the other end now. It still hurts and in my opinion it probably always will. But we live with our decisions and all we can do hold up our heads grit our teeth and keep fighting.