urgh

i feel like i was a year ago

i got myself out of the rut then before i know it i'm back in the same state i was then

avoiding sleep because of the memorys

drinking to forget but always remembering

i wonder if im doomed to this cycle

ahhuugh its been a long time and i havnt got any better so i will try and live the life the way the rest of the world has put in front of me because i dont seem to be able to carve my own groove in life x x

Hmmmm

Its been a while since my last post and to be honest it feels like an eternity.

A friend posted an old picture of me a couple weeks ago, from the start of collage.
I looked at it and wonder how i turned from that honest and good person into the self destoying person i am today.
All i seem to be able to do is hurt any woman i have actually cared about.

I havnt been sleeping well of late, this is mainly because everytime i try to sleep the memorys of what i have done and the self hatred always creep in.

I seem to have taken many steps back in life, i'm trying to find the willpower to get back ahead but my god its taking it out of my spirit.

The messy blur that we in the buisness call uni

What can i say

I'm now officially a uni student

and have been for 4 weeks now

ups downs and drunken days/nights/mornings ect...

good people, great places and I'm gigging again

so life is good :)

Trapped

I feel trapped in my own house

and would do anything just to get out

So...

i did it

i ended it and my god i wish i didn't have to

but that's the problem, i knew i could never be properly happy

as much as i wish it could of worked

we are too different.

And once again i thank my closest friends for bringing me through.

I dont know what to do

i'm trying my best

all i want is to see you

and for you to talk to me


please